Casiniways – The Casino at the End of the Universe
Mar 25, 2014
If you’ve done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off with a gamble at Casiniways – the Casino at the End of the Universe?
Place your bets on how the universe is going to end, is it going to be death by black hole, spontaneous combustion or an act of God? Our sports betting terminals allow you to put your money where your mouth is concerning how we’re all going to go.
With games like Amiglian Blackjack, Schrödinger’s Roulette and 42, the end of days has never been so fun.
So hop in your time machine, set the clock to 1 hour before the end and join us for the best gamble of your life.
Gambling at Casiniways
So what is Casiniways exactly? We’re your five star dream casino that looks like a toss up between Monte Carlo’s greatest hits with Las Vegas bling.
Not only do we serve the best liquors in the galaxy, but with our huge window view on the collapse of the universe, gambling never felt so good.
Equally impossible casinos:
• The Tardis Casino – A time travelling casino in a police box
• A Casino on the Sun – I know some like it hot, but that’s just pushing it
• IncepCasino – A casino within a casino in a dream. None of that makes sense and it’s not supposed to
Don’t worry about losing all your money, just deposit a dollar when you return home and you’ll have gained a ton of interest in your account to turn you from a zero into a high roller. And if you lose, the universe will end soon, so who cares?
We have a ton of amazing games to give you the perfect end of the universe thrill, whether it’s playing intergalactic poker with species who can’t even articulate in the same audio wavelength as you or playing our special lottery with the answer to life, the universe and everything.
And you won’t get the chance to cheat, since there is no chance of running into yourself again due to the sheer embarrassment of the whole thing.
Win at Amiglian Blackjack
Amiglian Blackjack is our special game at Casiniways and pretty much our trademark game. Sit down at our solid gold tables with a really strong Galactic Cocktail as your dealer deals the card.
It’s just like any other game of blackjack, except you can dispense with covering up the card counting system you’ve been building up over the centuries, you’re not going to need it here.
Here, your blackjack dealer actually wants you to win. Nothing will make him or her happier than seeing you score a blackjack on first go, but if you go bust there is trouble to be had.
And it’s not because you’ll be losing your hard earned money, but because your blackjack dealer tells you that he is highly disappointed in you before getting angry and starts sobbing all over the deck.
At Casiniways, you see, our dealers are bred to feel emotional distress at you losing. This means that you actually losing will cause them suffering so you better brush up on your blackjack strategies before coming here to play.
Go bust and you might actually see a grown dealer cry in front of that. Can’t handle it? Then maybe you should switch to Schrödinger’s Roulette or some universe ending sports betting instead.
All Bets on a blackhole
While Amiglian Blackjack is our hottest game at Casiniways, there is plenty more where that came from.
If you’re sick of your manic depressive robot acting as a buzz kill at the end of days, then you can always enter him in a spot of Android racing and place bets on him winning, or if your tastes are more extreme, we have some more games you’d like.
Schrödinger’s Roulette is a game coined by our favorite physicist in which a cat is placed in a box and bets are taken on whether the cat is alive or dead. We can actually get away with this, since nothing will exist 20 minutes from now anyway.
Plus like the blackjack dealers, our Schödinger’s kitties are bred to want to play in the roulette game. Actually, before anyone gets angry, they’re not real cats, they’re a thought experiment.
However, if you fancy a last flutter, we’ve got a bunch of sports betting options that will excite things in the last minute.
You can decide to bet whether the universe will end with a bang or a whimper.
When you enter Casiniways, you can go up to our sports betting terminals and set wagers on how the universe will end. Are we all going to go down a black hole? Blow up into smithereens? Is judgment day actually going to happen?
For something different, you can also bet on other areas of the universe’s demise. Like which solar system is going to go first. Are we going to evaporate into nothing at the moment of truth?
Show me the money?
I know what you might be thinking. How can you collect your winnings if we all go “poof” and you’re hurtled back into the present day after gambling away at the best casino that ever existed?
We, yes, that is a bit of a tricky catch. The thing about Casiniways it’s all about the experience and not the winnings.
Since the whole casino is a time bubble projected at the end of the universe, which is of course impossible, it goes without saying that getting the winnings to you is of course, impossible.
But why should any of that matter? In this case the saying the house always wins is true, especially when the existence of the casino itself has the odds stacked against it to start with.